Prophecies of Morrowind: The Musical
by M'aiq the Liar
Summary: M'aiq writes a series of song parodies about the Morrowind prophecies. Note: They are not sung by M'aiq, so the prey can relax.
1. Act I: The Outlander

All my associated Elder Scrolls properties are belong to Bethesda. Some one set us up the story! (And those quotes are Zero Wing's, not M'aiq's…obviously.)

**M'aiq the Liar presents "Prophecies of Morrowind: The Musical"  
**

**_Act I:_ ****_The Outlander._**  
**_Scene 1_. _"Her Arrival"_ - _A parody of Aladdin's "Arabian Nights" _©_ Disney_.**

**Guard**:  
So, you've finally arrived. Our records don't show from where…

**Nelle**:  
Oh, I come from a land, from a faraway place  
Where the chance of survival is slim  
Where there's battle all year  
Since we're all just one race  
It's barbaric, but hey, it's Skyrim.

When the winds from the South  
And the peaks of Jerall  
And the snow on the ground is right  
March on up, stop on by  
Climb a mountain and fall  
To another snowy night.

Skyrim nights  
Unlike Skyrim days  
More often than not  
You'll get slain on the spot  
From drunken swordplay.

Skyrim nights  
'Neath Tamriel skies  
A Nord with his mead  
Could fall off his steed  
Out there on the ice.

**Guard**:  
…Great. I'm sure you'll fit right in.

**_Scene 2_. _"One Theft Too Many" - A parody of Aladdin's "One Jump Ahead" _© _Disney_.  
**

**Guard**:  
Stop! You've violated the law!

**Nelle**:  
Gotta keep—  
One jump ahead of the Dunmer  
One spell ahead of the Altmer  
I only steal from who I can.  
(That's anyone!)

One line ahead of the Imperial  
That's all for those stiff folks  
'Cause they don't appreciate my jokes.

**Crowd**: N'wah! S'wit! You thief! Fetcher!  
**Nelle**: Just need a clever disguise.  
**Crowd**: Beat her down, lock her up, guys!  
**Nelle**: I can take a hint, gotta face the facts  
But I'm not getting caught by you!  
**Crowd**: What!  
She's become a one-woman thieves' guild  
I'd blame parents except she hasn't got 'em.  
**Nelle**: Gotta earn to live, gotta steal to earn  
I'll tell you all about it if I'm not killed!

'Cause I gotta keep—   
One step ahead of the Redguard   
Next time I won't steal from a singing bard  
One jump ahead of the Bosmer  
One hit ahead of the Orcs  
Now I'm sorry for stealing all those forks.

**Crowd**: Outlander! N'wah! You thief! Stoopid!  
**Nelle**: Let's not get too crazy  
**Man**: Get a job, and don't be lazy!  
**Nelle**: Gotta earn to live, gotta steal to earn  
Otherwise, I'd be poor like you!  
**Crowd**: Fetcher!

**Nelle**:  
One place ahead of Argon'an  
One swing ahead of the Nord  
One move ahead of the Breton  
They're quick, but I've got my sword  
Here goes, my luck never fails  
Wish me happy trails  
All I'm gonna do is run!

**_Reprise_.**

**Nelle**:  
N'wah, outlander  
Horrid slander.  
If only they'd look closer  
Would they see a smart thief? No sera.  
They'd find out  
There's not that much…to me…

**_Scene 3. "Dagoth Prepares" – A parody of Lion King's "Be Prepared" _© _Disney._**

**Dagoth**:  
I know that my powers of attraction  
Are as warped as an old, iron blade  
However, I must get to action  
For my plans are all fully laid

It's clear from my unholy oppression  
The n'wah must fall by my hand  
I'm talking with guile and discretion  
Through dark nightmares I'll begin my stand

So prepare for some marvelous breakthroughs  
Be prepared for sensational news  
A shining new era  
Will make my plans clearer

**Dreamer**:  
And what will we offer?

**Dagoth**:  
Just keep listening to Ur.  
I know it sounds far-fetched  
But with our hands outstretched  
We'll at last claim what is ours!  
And prejudice savagely squared  
Be prepared!

**Dreamer**: Be prepared for what?  
**Dagoth**: For the death of the n'wah!  
**Dreamer**: Right, who's the n'wah?  
**Dagoth**: Oh, you fool, the wicked sinners…the weaklings!  
**Dreamer**: Great idea, who's killing them?  
**Dagoth**: We are, you infidel!  
**Dreamer**: Oh, right. Well, I—  
**Dagoth**: —And I will finally rule!  
**Dreamer**: …  
**Dagoth**: I said, I will RULE!  
**Dreamer**: …huzzah…?

**Dagoth**:  
Of course, without saying, you will be  
Used as a sacrifice for duty  
The future will bring satisfaction  
And yes, I'm the main attraction  
I must now bring to light one thing  
I won't get beat by the Nerevarine!

So prepare for the house of the era  
Be prepared for a dangerous scheme  
Meticulous planning  
The infidels' banning  
Decades of reprisal  
Is simply why I'll  
Be respected and well known  
As the Sixth House's backbone  
And seen for the god that I am

Yes, my heart of Lorkhan is bared  
Be prepared!

**Dreamer**:  
Yes, uh…I'm sorry I erred.  
Be prepared!

_**Exeunt all. End.**_

_A word from M'aiq_: So, that concludes Act I. I'm more or less just trying to increase my poem-writing XP. The Dagoth part might not be entirely correct with the 'real' plans, but it's close enough, I say. I'll update soon enough and am open to song suggestions.


	2. Act II: At the Dawn of Prophecy

**_Act II:_ _At the Dawn of Prophecy._**  
**_Scene I_. _"Fargoth's Song" – A parody of Beauty and the Beast's "Gaston's Song" © Disney_.**

_Fargoth in a crowded jail with a fellow Bosmer cellmate amongst other various prisoners_.

**Fargoth**: Who does that Nelle think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man. No one plays games with Fargoth.  
**Bosmer**: Heh, yeah, cellmate. You're right!  
**Fargoth**: Jailed! Foiled! Publicly humiliated…it's more than I can bear.  
**Bosmer**: Not to mention upped by a female thief. A _Nord_ at that…  
**Fargoth**: …thanks for your help.  
**Bosmer**: Of course! Fargoth, you've got to pull yourself together.  
Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Fargoth  
Looking as good as your rump  
There's no guy who'd ever want to be you, Fargoth  
Especially when taking a bump.  
There's no man in town as loathsome you  
You're nobody's favorite guy  
Seyda Neen's shamed and disgraced by you  
And it's not very hard to see why

No one's short like Fargoth  
No one has a wart like Fargoth  
No one's snort is incredibly loud as Fargoth  
For there's no man in town half as stocky  
Ugly little Bosmer  
You can ask any Gro, Dar, or Hlaalu  
And they'll tell you whose team you'll never be on

**Prisoners**:  
No one's been like Fargoth  
A bumpkin like Fargoth  
**Bosmer**:  
No one's got a swell bruise on his chin like Fargoth  
**Fargoth**:  
As a small wood elf, yes, I get intimidated  
**Prisoners**:  
My what a guy, that Fargoth!  
Give five Huzzahs!  
Give twelve You S'wit's!  
**Bosmer**:  
Fargoth is worst  
And the rest are all twits.

**Prisoners**:  
No one runs like Fargoth  
Dodges fights like Fargoth  
**Guard**:  
In a whining match, nobody whines like Fargoth  
**Bosmer**:  
For there's no one as vulgar and two-faced  
**Fargoth**:  
As you see, I've got insults to spare  
**Bosmer**:  
Not a bit of him's honest or straitlaced**  
Fargoth**: —That's right  
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair!

**Prisoners**:  
No one cries like Fargoth  
**Guard**:  
Loses wits like Fargoth  
**Bosmer**:  
In a losing match, nobody wins like Fargoth  
**Fargoth**:  
I'm especially good at not succeeding  
**Prisoners**:  
Ten points for Fargoth!

**Fargoth**:  
When I was a lad, I stole four Kwama eggs  
Ev'ry Morndas to help me get rich  
And now that I'm grown I steal fifteen eggs  
And now I pretty much live in a ditch

**Prisoners**:  
No one sneaks like Fargoth  
Gets called a pipsqueak like Fargoth  
**Bosmer**:  
Then goes mutt'ring about like a freak like Fargoth  
**Fargoth**:  
I use curses in all of my foul debating  
**Prisoners**:  
Say it again  
Who's a wimp among mer?  
And then say it once more  
Who's the wood elf next door?  
Who's one giant failure?  
Don't you know? Can't you infer?  
Ask his aunts and the evil Dagoth  
There's just one guy in town who's got none of it down  
**Bosmer**:  
And his name is F-A-R-G-O-T-H  
**Prisoners**: Fargoth!

**Captain**: Who's singing?  
**Guard**: Uh—no one!  
**Captain**: Bah…get up here already.  
**Guard**: Y-Yes sir!

_Exit Guard_.

**Fargoth**: Thanks for the support, friend.  
**Bosmer**: Sure thing, Fargoth. As soon as I get out of here, I'm going to find that Nelle and kill her; I promise you that. I'm not long for this prison.  
**Fargoth**: A noble thing indeed! How will you go about this?  
**Bosmer**: Oh, I have a most devious plan.  
**Fargoth**: Well, I like that. Say, what's your name, pal?  
**Bosmer**: Gaenor.  
**Fargoth**: Well met.

_End Scene._

**_Scene II_. _"The Heroic Life" - A parody of Beauty and the Beast's "Belle's Song" © Disney_.**

**Nelle**:  
Little place  
It's a quiet province  
Every era  
Like the one before  
Little town  
Full of crazy people  
Bold enough to say…

**Townspeople**:  
B'vek! S'wit! N'wah! Serjo!

**Nelle**:  
There goes the trader in his shop, like always  
The same old books and scrolls to sell  
Every morning just the same  
Since the Morndas that I came  
To this uneventful town…

**Trader**: Good morning, Nelle.  
**Belle**: Morning, Sera.  
**Trader**: Where are you off to?  
**Belle**: The smith's shop  
I just finished off a bloody battle  
With a bandit and an ogrim and a—  
**Trader**: —That's nice. Maril! The booklets, hurry up!

**Townsfolk**:  
Look there she goes, outlander, no question  
Boldly stoic, can't you tell?  
Ner'varine the newly crowned  
Reincarnate, the fate bound.  
No denying she's a crazy girl that Nelle.

**Nelle**:  
There must be more than this heroic life.

**Townsfolk**:  
Look there she goes that girl is so debonair.  
I wonder if she's feeling well  
With a wild, insane claim,  
That the gods she will maim  
What a rebel to the rest of us is Nelle.

**Nelle**:  
Oh, isn't this annoying?  
It's the Temple again hassling me.  
Here's where the guards start laughing  
But they won't know I'm for real 'til trial three

**Woman**:  
Now, it's no wonder that her name is legend  
She'll surely go through hell  
**Shopkeeper**:  
Though she wears nice armor  
She was once a prisoner  
Very different is her story  
**Townsfolk**:  
Very different is her story  
Yes, different is her tale that Nelle.

**Llendo**:  
Right from the moment that I saw her, met her  
She'd rather kiss a guar named Grell  
Here in town there's only me  
Who is good enough for she  
So I'm making plans to woo and steal from Nelle.

"**Acrobats"**:  
Look there he goes  
Isn't he roguish?  
Oh, Nels Llendo  
He's quite a man  
He stole my heart  
Then stole my amulet.  
He's such a cheap, quick, and lying conman.

**Nelle**:  
There must be more than this heroic life!

**Llendo**:  
Just watch, I'm far too smart to have a wife!

**Townsfolk**:  
Look there she goes a girl  
Who's strong and crazy  
A most legend'ry muthsera  
It's a pity and a shame  
They don't believe her claim  
To be Indoril Nerevar  
Yes, the Indoril Nerevar  
The real Indoril Nerevar  
That Nelle.

_Exeunt all_. _End Act_.

_A word from M'aiq_: A warm Khajiit thanks to _Fargoth_ and _Katherine Monet_ for their suggestions; may they both trip on warm sands. M'aiq likes song suggestions, so the prey would be wise to offer some. The same applies for calipers…  
(_Upcoming songs to be parodied_: "Prince Ali", "Friend Like Me", and possibly others.)


	3. Act III: The Gods' Will Be Done

_A word from M'aiq_: It's been awhile since I updated this. I was just stuck. I did it though, so on with the show…

**_Act III: The Gods' will be done or not to be done; that is the question._  
_Scene 1. "God Like Me" – A Parody Aladdin's "Friend Like Me" © Disney._**

_Nelle meets Vivec_.

**Vivec**:  
Well, Sotha Sil has that Clockwork City  
Almalexia has a thousand lies  
But Nerevar you in luck 'cause in this temple  
You got a brand of magic Dunmer hail  
You got some power for your battle now  
Some heavy armor for your soul  
You got some strength and endurance, and now  
All you gotta do is take these papers  
And I'll say

Lord Indoril, ma'am  
What do you want to know?  
Let me fill you in  
Tell you everything  
You ain't never met a god like me  
Oh-ho no!

Life is your local tavern  
And I'm your bartender  
C'mon whisper what your question is  
You ain't never known a god like me

Yes sera, I pride myself on knowledge  
You're the learner  
The student, the pupil  
Say your confusion  
I'll give you vision!  
How about studying my temple?

Visit my local shine  
And my library  
I'm keen to helpin' the Nerevarine  
You ain't never met a god like me.

Can other gods say this?  
Do other gods do that?  
Do other gods have this chat?  
Can your gods go, poof!  
It's all in your head  
Can your gods write sermons 'til dawn  
And then actually have 'em read?

So don't just sit there drooling, lost and dazed  
I'm here to answer your every inquisition  
You got me quite un-crazed  
You got a god with education  
I got the powerful urge to let you know  
Once you learn, you're free to go  
But I've got to teach for three days long  
All you need to do is ask me now and oh-ho-ho!

Lord Indoril, ma'am, ask me all you want  
This is my job, don't you know?  
You ain't never known a god, never known a god  
You ain't never known a god, never known a god.  
You ain't never met a god like me!  
You ain't never met a god like me, haha!

_End Scene_.

**_Scene 2. "Poor Unsuspecting Nerevarine" – A Parody of The Little Mermaid's "Poor Unfortunate Soul" © Disney_.**

_In Dagoth Ur's citadel, Nelle arrives and heads for Dagoth Ur._

**Dagoth Ur**:  
I admit that I'm still quite a nasty  
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, evil  
But you'll find that nowadays  
I'm staying with my ways  
A resentful, merciless, little devil  
True? Yes

And I thankfully know a little magic  
It's a power that I always will possess  
And now lately comes the time  
For the not-so sublime  
To hear me stress…

Poor unsuspecting Nerevarine  
So lame  
She'll bleed  
She's only deserving of death  
Robbing her of her breath  
Will I do this?  
Yes, indeed  
That poor unsuspecting Nerevarine  
Can't survive  
She won't  
She'll go fleeing from my fortress  
Crying, "Mercy, Dagoth please!"  
And will I deliver?  
No, I won't.

Now it's happened to be fated   
Her victory is anticipated   
And I'm afraid I'll have to prove fate wrong  
Yes, I'll do the impossible  
Be it disagreeable  
That poor unsuspecting Nerevarine

_Nelle finds Dagoth Ur amidst his singing_.

**Nelle**: Dagoth! Aha!  
**Dagoth**: Nerevarine, I have been expecting you.  
**Nelle**: I see that.  
**Dagoth**: Yes…I'll be sending you to your death soon enough, and you should know…

The gods up there don't like a lot of heroes  
They think a girl who boasts is a bore  
Yes, in Oblivion it's much preferred  
For heroes not to say a word  
After all, Nerevar, what's worth dying for?

Come on, they're not all that impressed with mortals' feats  
Most avoid them whenever possible  
But I'll have to send you on  
To the great beyond  
You'll have to be acceptable

Come on, you poor unsuspecting soul  
Go ahead  
Make your move  
I'm a powerful god  
And you haven't got forever  
It won't take long  
I disapprove—of  
This unsuspecting Nerevarine  
It's sad  
But true  
If you want to accomplish a feat  
You've got to know your role  
Take a step, take a breath,  
Go ahead and use a scroll  
Oh my Dreamers, now I've got her, guys  
The god is on a roll  
This poor unsuspecting soul.

_End Scene_.

**_Scene 3_. _"Kill the God" – A Parody of "Kiss the Girl" © Disney._**

_Nelle is in the Chamber of Akulakhan, ready to kill Dagoth_.

**Voices in Nelle's Mind**:  
There you see him  
Standing there across the way  
He don't have nothin' good to say  
And there's evil around him  
That's why you know  
You're dying to go  
You wanna kill the god

Yes, you hate him  
Look at him, you know you do  
Possibly he hates you too  
There is one way to show him  
It just takes a sword  
Yes, he's so abhorred  
So go on and kill the god

Sha la la la la la  
My oh my  
Looks like the god will die  
Ain't gonna kill Nelle  
Sha la la la la la  
Won't win the fight  
Won't live the night  
Too bad, he's off to hell

Now's your moment  
Heading through the citadel  
Nelle, you're gonna kill him well  
No time would be more swell  
Just gotta save the world  
Yeah, gotta save the world  
So just kill the god

Sha la la la la la  
Don't be afraid  
You got your Dwemer blade  
Go on and kill the god  
Sha la la la la la  
Don't step back  
No, don't fallback  
You must kill the god  
Sha la la la la la  
Run along  
And create a song  
With the sound of the hammer  
Against the heart  
You heroic upstart  
You've got to kill the god  
Why don't you kill the god?  
You should kill the god.  
Did I mention the god?  
Go on and kill the god.

**Nelle**: You guys, he's dead. I killed him about midway through the song.  
**Voices**: Oh, righto…  
**Dreamer**: (_Whispering to self_) She's crazy. She's talking to herself…wait, where's Dagoth? Dagoth Ur? Where is he!?  
_The dreamer leaps into the lava pit._  
**Dreamer**: I'll go with you my lord!

_End Act. Exeunt all._


	4. Act IV: Nerevarine, O, Nerevarine

_A word from M'aiq_: I used the word Nerevar meaning the _Reincarnate of_ the Nerevar. I had to use Nerevar since it fit into the song better than Nerevarine. Righto, then, on with the show!

**_Act IV: Nerevarine, O, Nerevarine._**

_**Scene 1. "Nerevar" – A parody of Aladdin's "Prince Ali" © Disney.**_

_Nelle parades into the city after defeating Dagoth Ur._

Make way for Nerevar  
Say hey! It's Nerevar

Hey! Clear the way in the dirty street  
Hey you!  
Let me through!  
I'm a bright new star  
Oh come  
Be the first of your guild to meet my eye

Make way  
I'm back  
Ring bells! Hang the flags  
Don't you just love my rags?

Nerevar! Reincarnate  
Slayer of Dagoth  
In the flesh, true as the day  
Now, try your best to stay calm  
To see me, you had no qualm  
Aren't you glad I came this way?

Nerevar!  
Mighty am I  
Alive, you ask why?  
Strong as one normal woman, definitely  
I faced the merciless Ur  
A vicious god with spite  
Who sent that fool to Oblivion?  
Why, Nerevar

I've killed seventy-five hundred dreamers  
Ancient vampires  
I've slain fifty-three  
When it comes to formidable en'mies  
Have I got 'em all?  
I'm telling you, I'm a hard-hitting fireball

Nerevar! Gorgeous am I, with these battle scars  
My physique! Can't you all see?  
A fighter's beauty  
So, get on out of that bar  
It's nothing all too bizarre  
Just come gawk, grovel, and stare at Nerevar!

There's no questioning my heroism  
Never ordinary, never cow'rdice  
Everything about me is just plain amazing  
I'm a hero, I'm a champ, a winner!  
I'm about to mooch off someone's dinner  
And I really love sauntering, swords blazing

I've got ninety-five House Dagoth amulets  
(I've got the amulets, oh yes, the amulets)  
And to view them I'll charge you a fee  
(I'm parsimonious, so parsimonious)  
I've got knaves, I've got stalkers and groupies  
(With nothing better to do)  
They call me lovely, just follow me  
They're just joining the bandwagon of Nerevar!

Nerevar!  
Flirtatious me! Nerevar!  
Heard the guards were a sight handsome to see  
And that, fair Mer folk, is why, I got geared up and marched o'er  
With sixty kagouti, kwamas galore  
With my full Daedric armor  
And my Trueflame and more  
With my Elven arrows, my spears, my longbows  
And the great Azura's star  
Make way for Nerevar!

**Dunmer**: Why, you don't have any of those things!  
**Altmer**: Yeah!  
**Dunmer**: In fact, you're nude!  
**Nelle**: I know! I sold them!  
**Dunmer**: What? Why?  
**Nelle**: For money…glorious wonderful money!  
**Dunmer**: Oh, I sense another song coming on…

_**Scene 2. "Part of the Rich World" – A parody of The Little Mermaid's "Part of Your World" © Disney.**_

_Nelle looks through her wonderful pieces of armor in her manor, realizing how rich she is_._ However_…

Look at my stuff  
Look at the price  
Don't you think this collection's real nice?  
Wouldn't you think I'm the hero—  
The hero who has everything

Look at my shelves with  
Weapons of myth  
How many legends can one manor hold?  
Lookin' around here you'd think  
_Sure_, she's got everything

I've got daggers and maces aplenty  
I've got soul gems and enchantments galore  
(_You want some artifacts?  
I've got forty_)  
But who cares?  
No big deal  
I need more

I wanna be where the treasure is  
I wanna see—  
Wanna see it glitter  
Shinin' brighter than a  
(_What do you think?)_ Ah—sun?

Tossin' your coins you don't get too much  
Coins are needed for travelin', vent'rin'  
Gettin' to an old—  
(_Oh maybe some sorta…)_ ruin.

Where the undead walk  
Where the gold talks  
Out where they lurk all day in a cave  
Collectin' more  
Wish I could just  
Be called the richest

Where would I go  
To fill a cargo  
Ship or two or three  
What would I fight  
To spend a night  
Wealthy beyond measure?

Betcha out there  
It's naught but treasure  
Bet that it's never been touched  
Flowing coffers  
Godly offers  
Ready to take

I'm ready to own what the nobles own  
Show 'em my collections  
And get some reactions  
"See this serjo, she's so…  
(_What would they say?)_ rich."

Will I make the switch?  
Don't think I will  
Stop gathering things of glamour  
It's quite a thrill  
Wish I could just  
Get called the richest

What would I buy  
To finish this collection?  
What would it take  
To quench this obsession?  
What would I do to see it  
Sitting in here?

Where should I go?  
What should I pay?  
If I could gather more of that stuff  
Just fine quality  
Would make me just  
One of the richest

I don't know what  
I don't know how  
But I know something's missing right now  
Watch and you'll see  
Some day I'll be  
Richest in the world.

_Exeunt Nelle_. _End Act_.


End file.
